The One Lie

There is one thing that I lie about. It's a small one that really only ever affect me. And no one wants the truth and no one ever seeks out the truth. It's a tiny lie that I wish wasn't a lie which is why I tell it. I tell it to everyone who asks, I tell it to myself.

I'm fine.

I know people only ask out of courtesy so I don't really want to burden them with the truth. They are only looking for that quick answer to mollify their sense of responsibility to their neighbors. And once I tell it and ask the appropriate question back, the real conversation can begin.

I'm good.

It's easy to fake a smile because no one is looking. It's easy to hold my head up walking down the halls. It's easy to nod along when someone is talking to me. It's easy pretending everything is alright because why shouldn't it be?

I'm great.

If you say it enough times, it becomes the truth right? If you say the truth enough times, it becomes law? So I am not allowed to be anything else but fine, good, great by that standard. And therefore if I am not allowed then I can't be and the lie isn't necessarily a lie then is it?

I'm happy.

Some people try to call me out on it, but I know they are joking because I can't come up with another answer for them that they would accept instead. So I just smile and play along and defend with half truths that should be whole truths and maybe if I say those enough times...

How was your day?