Still Not Dead

Still in Chicago though and will be for a couple more months. This has been a terrible winter weatherwise. Getting close to record lows, record snow falls, and lake ice coverage. It's been nasty so I've been staying inside. I've been trying to date up here and had some success, but they all end up a flop in the end. It's still been fun. As it's getting warmer, I've been venturing downtown so I'll have more pictures soon. Also took a cruise in January and got some good shots there. So more Chicago Story coming. Meanwhile I have a couple arts that will post over the next couple days. And remember Fairy Tale? Well I didn't write it for NaNoWriMo, but I am getting ready to start it for real. I have the story fully pinned down now. But I have over a half million words posted via Tumblr and Archive of Our Own, so that's a pretty cool accomplishment. Talk to you people later!

Not Dead

I swear.

I've just been busy. Between my tumblr project and other small writings I haven't done much on my original works except poke at them when I explain them to people.

But I have found a great writing friend that I hope to continue to meet with to bounce ideas off of. His ideas are rooted in Dungeons and Dragons as he is a DM, Dungeon Master, aka the Story Teller. He helps the players create great characters to go on epic quests with brilliant twists and depth to them. He laments not being able to put his stories actually to paper but damn, his ideas, D&D based or original, are fantastic. I want to help him get them out there.

At the same time, I've run my ideas by him and have gotten some epic feedback. He's fixed the ending of Not a Hero completely and made it a thousand times better which means I really need to find names for everyone and just sit down and write it. And between my new friend and my dad, I think I'm about ready to write my Fairy Tale. I am tempted to write it for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writer's Month) but again I need names and a brain.

I've been getting into a weird cycle where I can just spew words out like no other. I'll be able to build up some headway on the tumblr project. Like right now, I am five stories ahead. I've been able to do this enough that we are now posting two stories per week. But then after this burst of writing, I immediately go into a dearth where I am struggling to put two words together. I still get ideas but they just won't flow from my brain to my hand and it's fucking annoying, excuse my language. Just a couple days ago I was a fire hydrant of stories and now I just keyboard smash and it's better than anything I actually try to write. Write now I'm in the dead period so I don't know if I'll actually NaNoWriMo but I'm gonna try.

Happy Halloween!

Sports

So just recently I went to a baseball game (pictures are coming). I'm new to the Chicago area and my dad is simply visiting but still we had conversations with complete strangers over a team from out of state. And neither of us have ever lived in city that hosts the other team. Yet, we have a connection with those people. We were able to share our support for something that we had varied amount of interest in. Dad talked about history and recent seasons. We shared a chair with a group needing an extra. We talked tickets and awe at the cool stadium. We even had connections with people supporting the home team through this game. We had friendly banter with easy shots and nice returns. We talked to people who sat next to us, even the girls behind us who knew nothing about the game just because my dad had his glove and would protect them from a foul ball (we didn't get to catch anything, but we were ready).

But through all of this, I was struck by the realization of why we have sport teams and why they are an important part of our society. They bring strangers together. It's a common point to rally behind. And it's a topic devoid of any politic, socioeconomic leanings. It isn't tied to social beliefs, education, personal persuasions, gender, age, race, etc. All you have to do is watch and support a bunch of people play.

It's probably a remnant of our history as we had to come together to survive. It was us against nature and we were all on the same side. And then we grew a bit and it started to become us versus them. Groups against other groups, but within the group, members banded together over a common enemy and a will to survive. As we continued those groups became larger and the need to survive decreased. But we still have a longing to bond together over conflict. We want to share a common enemy with someone just so we can share with someone. Thus we have turned war into sports and factions into teams and through these substitutions we have our camaraderie and connection to other people, to otherwise perfect strangers.

Plus an excuse to drink beer outside in the sun.

Wow, yea I've been doing a terrible job keeping this up. And for fairly valid reasons. Work has been keeping me busy instead of giving me ample time to lounge around which is why I even started this thing. I've also been exploring Chicago and trying new things and working on being social. I had escargot two days ago (it's like an earthy oyster). Also signed up for online dating in order to meet people because wow, am I socially awkward. But hey, it's getting me out of the house and actually wearing dresses and skirts (but really, I'm throwing the skirt on as soon as I get home, steel toed boots don't make me feel pretty and after 8 hours of wearing them every day, I wanna feel pretty). So that's keeping me busy from writing on here as well as the fact that I am continuing to work on those side projects. I still need to shift more attention to my own stories but those are still cooking in my head, getting better with each time I share them with someone. But these side projects: I only have two individual works that I am writing in spurts (the latest garnered a lot of good tears, makes me happy), one long fic that I am working on with my awesome writing partner (seriously having a writing partner is something I've wanted forever and wow she's good at the inspiration/idea throwing/motivation/editing/fun), and then the weekly publication that just hit forty stories (average is about 3k words) over 34 weeks plus drawings for it at follower intervals. We have 560 followers for that blog.

So yea, things are going good here. Everything is gorgeous with lots of parks and city and lake front beach. I have visited the aquarium and been driven around downtown in a convertible. I have seen Despicable Me 2 and gone dancing (briefly as I was not prepared). I am trying to eat healthy (still need to work on cooking more) and looking into buying a bike because wow it is flatter than Florida up here.

It's good. I'm happy. And things look bright.

Thanks for sticking around. I promise to have a quick story idea that I don't want to lose up tomorrow.

Earplugs

So my new job requires me to wear ear plugs when I go out onto the floor. Usually I'll keep them around my neck when I am in the quiet areas and just roll them up and stick them in my ears when I head out. Then there is that moment where they fill out and block the sound. It's a slow quieting of the world. They don't block out everything but just enough to protect me from going deaf early.

But the quiet of the world out there is balanced by the loudness of my own head. I can hear my breath better, my humming echos through my skull, I am trapped in my head. It's kinda terrifying actually to be in one of the quieter places with my ear plugs in. I almost get claustrophobic because of the lack of sound and amplification of sound. It's disconcerting at the least. Horrifying at the worst.

I say horrifying because I should not be scared of my own mind, but being trapped in such close proximity with it. Says something about me, doesn't it?

Barber Shops

The difference between men's and women's haircuts have always struck me as odd. I understand that there is a difference in the amount of hair, and I am really bad at going to the salon more than like 3 times a year. But I guess that is okay as I grow my hair out. But still, it costs me like $60 plus tip where my brother's is only $15 without a coupon. And I saw something on television that explored the idea between a cheap hair cut, a medium hair cut, and a ridiculously expensive hair cut and only one person out of probably fifty was able to correctly identify their values. So that means there is something of a point of diminishing returns when it comes to hair cuts. I am sure there are places that are more expensive for guys but their point seems to be around that $15-20 mark where on women? I don't know. I just try for the social norm but only go a few times.

(Random topic brought to you by Mid-Sis)

Still Alive

I am still alive! I promise.

100 Post Check Up

While I am physically up in Chicago, I'm not up in Chicago yet. But by the end of the week my stuff will have joined me for a year long stint up here in Wheeling, Il.

That's a little terrifying and a little exhilarating. I am finally getting out of Georgia. New area, new people, new role. Farthest away from family I've ever been (my father's stores in Wisconsin don't count).

No Moment is Wasted

No moment is ever wasted because you are living it. Some actions are weighted more especially in the eyes and values of society. But when you choose to do something, the moment is never wasted. Even if it is just lounging on your couch after a long day, or stopping something else to have a quick conversation with a friend or stranger. The moment has value because it is something you chose to do. It might not be curing cancer or building a star ship or solving impossible math problems or feeding world hunger but that doesn't matter. It is for you. You are the hero of your own story. You are the narrator to your life. The author of your auto-biography. Which means you get to do what you want with your life.

work anniversary

Today is the one year anniversary of my time here at work, one year sitting at a desk asking myself, "What am I supposed to be doing?" Sometimes that question is answered and I get work done. Sometimes that work isn't even in the office and it's elsewhere and I get to travel. Traveling is a lot of fun. I've been to San Francisco, Chicago, Burnside, KY, Canada, Durham, NC, because of work. Other times though, it feels like crickets chirping back at me when I ask that question. Or they throw a fifteen minute assignment at me for the eight hour day. So instead of going insane, I started writing. and writing everywhere. I have my originals, I have my fan-fiction, I have my fan-projects, and I have this blog.

And still I find myself bored at work.

Spring Day

The springtime air caresses my skin with a barely there breeze. It's one of those days that I could wear anything and be perfectly comfortable. Or I could just exist in my own skin and let the sun that isn't too close, too hot, touch every inch. Hard to find enough privacy to do that, but the desire is still there. So I slip into a tank and short. I grab the latest book that I am reading and relax out on my porch to enjoy the golden afternoon sun. 

I lose myself between the pages of the book, slipping into the adventure of the story, imagining myself as the main character, wondering where the path of the plot will take me. The subtle soft rustle of the trees around me and sweet songs of the birds as they also enjoy the springtime mood does not disturb the bubble of fantasy around me. I stretch my legs and shift around in my seat only between chapters, at natural pause points, but I don't stop at the teasing cliff hangers, I have to keep reading, I have to know what happens.

A Guy and his Duck

The small bird trembled in his hands. It was hotter than he expected. And softer too. The yellow down looked fuzzy and blurs the duck's outline, leaving its beak, eyes, and legs in sharp detail. It blinks up at him, tilting its head up. It's beak bumps against his thumb. He has to stifle the urge to coo over it. His female friends who surround him have no qualms about it and start up a chorus. Every once in a while a certain note catches its attention but otherwise the baby duck does not stop staring at the young man cupping it in his hands.

"I think it likes you. Maybe it thinks you are its mother," one of the girl's chimes in.

"Me? A mother? I'm surprised I haven't killed it yet."

"Don't say that!" she sounds genuinely distressed. "I think you would be a good mama duck."

"What on earth am I going to do with a duck?"

"Cuddle it. Feed it. Teach it tricks. Name it."

"Yea! Whatcha gonna name it?" someone else chimes in.

"Oh geez, why am I naming it? I don't even know if it's a boy or a girl."

"Pick out something neutral."

He sits there watching the duck as it watches him. "It's a Sam."

75 Post check up

Here we are again. I'm still here and you are still reading. I'm a month out from moving to Chicago. I'll have my 100 post update before that happens so I'll talk more about that then. In the meanwhile, I've been bouncing around here enjoying the springtime weather (could do without the allergies however). I got to hang out with my brother for a while to play Gears of War: Judgement. We are a pretty good team in that game, fairly equal too. I've read some actual books (which is actually something I've been lacking with all of the internet stuff I've been reading and working on) and I've passed one series onto my brother (and I totally left the book that I mean to give Mom in the car, dang it).

Drawing Tutorial

Watch this if you are interested in drawing. I might be using this technique in future drawings because wow. If I don't and I do bad foreshortening, someone please smack me on the forehead and redirect me to this post/video.

Yea it's a short post today but I just gave you guys a 16 minute video. Be content. Or give me suggestions to draw. I'll take requests.

How does one think?

I would like the chance to hear how someone else thinks. Just for like 15 minutes. I'd just like to be able to see how someone else's thoughts are put together. It wouldn't be like how it is usually portrayed in media as just a simple voice. Mine doesn't work that way. Yes sometimes I have a narrative where I am putting words together in something that resembles a sentence or a conversation but there are other ideas, connotations, meanings that lie underneath those words that narrow down your particular word into exactly what you mean to say or think. There are a lot of unthought thoughts that float around in my head that I brush past as I write, talk, listen, think to myself. There are the emotions, memories, background workings of a mind. It would be interesting to see how someone else worked. 

I've tried to describe how my thoughts work and some of the usual analogies are that thoughts are like clouds that materialize in my head, that they are like lily pads rising up from underwater to the surface of my conscious mind, that they are people who slip into the crowd unnoticed until they speak, that they are daisy chained trains that run all over the place, they are little packets of information that I have to open and then put together like a puzzle. These are all correct answers, but they don't fully explain it. But I have no reference to compare it to. I'd love to look into someone else's head and see how different or how similar our thoughts happen. 

50th post check up

Haha! Fifty posts in and I'm still going. This is kinda cool. Okay update on me. I'm less than two months out from moving up to Chicago. It will be the first time in 20 years that I will not have lived in Georgia. I am excited beyond belief. Like bouncing off the walls with a sugar high excited. Yea, I'm going to be away from family, but it's maximum for a year before I return to Georgia and I get to see if I like being else where.

AUDIENCE RESPONSE REQUIRED

          I have a serious question that requires audience response. And by response I mean I want to see comments stacking up below this post with an answer.

          Would anyone be offended if I added ads to this blog?

          I'm tempted to do this because the blogger homepage offers it and I actually surprisingly seem to get traffic on this site (THANKS FOR READING). Though I don't know anyone in Russia or Germany who would be reading it. (The Russian counter is the same as the USA counter. I have no idea what is going on.) So if I did ads through blogger than I might get some money from it (I have no idea how much but I will let you know, maybe it'll eventually buy me some beer or something). It probably wouldn't be enough to do anything with but I am honestly curious. I am also curious to see what sort of ads would show up. Apparently it would be automatically generated from the content of my blog.... see why I am curious?

          Anyways, I am appealing to my readers' judgement because I like you guys. (SERIOUSLY THANK YOU!) If I get a lot of 'yes' or 'sure' or 'don't care' responses then I'll go for it. If I don't get any responses then I'll hold off until my curiosity gets the better of me. If I get a lot of 'NO' or 'I'll hate you forever if you do' kind of responses, I'll keep my blog an ad free zone. Even if I do get ads and you guys end up not liking it or if it gets bad, let me know and I'll take them down (unless it buys me a lot of beer). 

Happy Birthday Em!

          Aw man, another birthday. And so close together. Sorry to anyone who doesn't actually care but today's post is dedicated to one of my best friends.

          HI EM! *waves furiously* Do you realize that we already have known each other for four years? And to think I met you on a clerical whim. You were our fourth random roommate at Tech. And we thought you were going to be this bitch who wouldn't talk to us or hang out with us and hated us without even meeting us (we have disproved all but the bitch part). And even after we found out that you just accidentally ignored us on facebook and you were actually friendly, we had a hard time drawing you out. The swine flu didn't help. But eventually we did. I still remember offering to lend my skills as a vent to you while making lunch. And boy you have made me keep my offer, haven't you? Not that I ever mind. Hell, it's one of my best skills!

But four years later and we are still talking. I think that fact alone is awesome. 

          You definitely help balance me because I know I am a social failure. You help me get off my ass and actually go out and try. Your venting helps put my own concerns into perspective. You listening to my rambles helps me refine my ideas into something valid. Your support of my art and writing really helps me especially when I hit my low points. I love the fact that we can share enthusiasm about Portal and that sending each other thinkgeek gifts is a thing. 

          I know I am stealing this word/concept from Homestuck, but you are a damn good moirail. "Without this person, I would not be sane." Yes this is a two way street between us. Thanks for grounding me. And pulling from my own fantasy world, a perfect Serut, 'Partner of the Soul'. It's not hard to write Aeacus' interactions with Alke or to write Alke's responses because you are just so much fun to write.

          You are my best friend and I hope that this friendship continues. Luv ya, Em.

Politics: PAY ATTENTION

          No one pays attention anymore. 

          Okay some do. But not enough. (If you are reading my blog you are probably one of the few.)

          The majority of the people I come across in my day to day life don't pay attention. They buy into society's belief that it is all about them. And while I understand everyone is the hero to their own story, their own life, there are other people in the world. 

          I titled this post with politics which this idea of paying attention will drift into, but it starts as basically as watching the people directly around you. I'm talking about coworkers, friends, strangers on the bus, other people on the road, anyone. I feel like ninety percent of car accidents could be prevented if everyone just paid attention to the road and to others. I understand about drifting away on your thoughts or talking on a cellphone. I do it. And I've had some close calls because of it. But I get frustrated that even back in college, waiting for the bus to come, people outside of the bus wouldn't pay attention to those who needed to get off the bus. Or wouldn't pay attention to those with crutches or wouldn't offer their seat to someone who obviously needed it. We don't look around and notice other people. And we should. 

          So do that for me. Start watching other people and try to pass on the idea to PAY ATTENTION to something else outside of your own head. This idea needs to be fed back into society because common sense is no longer common.

Wow I have 25 posts over 25 days. This is probably the best 'diary' that I have ever managed to accomplish. I'm going to blame it on the automatic posting of scheduled entries. This means I can look like I am doing due diligence everyday when in reality I am simply having bursts of entries and then shove them into a queue. It supports my abhorrence of daily tasks and lets my brain work the way it wants to. I can't tell you how many failed diaries or journals I have that have like maybe a max of 10 days filled out before I fail. And it's not like I fail just by skipping a day. I skip like months or years at a time. Or basically until I rediscover the notebook and re-purpose it. I think I'll do a post like this every 25 just to congratulate myself. I'm okay with that.